Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
