Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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