i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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