i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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