Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
