I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am available for nakedness
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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