My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
