so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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