I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
