Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize