Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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