people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
