So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
