We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
