you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
