I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
