So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
