I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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