everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
