I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
