Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize