I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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