I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
