A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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