It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
