It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
