There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
