Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
