me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
PANTIES FOUND
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