Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
