it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
