we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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