After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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