It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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