He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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