had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
