All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
