i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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