What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
