Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
