I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
