i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
