Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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