I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
