I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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