these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
