Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
