she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
