My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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