Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize