Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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