Soap is not a condiment
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
