Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How external is "for external use only"?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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