Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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