So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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