I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
