I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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