i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
