Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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