Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
