I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
