I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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